Transition Land–Healing a Heart

Ugh! I thought I was doing pretty well with this transition thing. I was keeping busy, being productive, and was even starting to think about the future and my thoughts for it. Then we hit the weekend of my big 4-H event, and every time I turned around I was leaking tears. What? I thought I was over this. After some contemplation I realized that maybe my brain had refused to deal with the finality of things until this past week, or maybe my brain knew my heart just wasn’t yet ready to start dealing with it.

Gosh I hate it when I get all emotional…that is just not me, but I found myself in tears while walking the dog, at the Ladies Retreat last weekend, even on Monday when a volunteer called me for advice about his daughter’s competitive goals, and when I wrote my original co-workers to explain …GEEZ! The retreat, by the way was focused on the this passage and did speak to my heart! It was very encouraging.😊

The reality is that I’m enjoying being home, and I am not missing having to go to work. I hear things about my boss and can only shake my head and think what a relief to not have to deal with him. I am not bored, and now that we have good weather, I have plenty of things to work on outdoors, which I have never been able to, so I guess I am just impatient! How long does it take for one’s heart to catch up with one’s head? Or maybe it was the final blast of winter and all those cloudy wet days last week? 

This weekend was filled with hard labor (as in 3 tons worth!) and lots of sun, which seems to have chased whatever away. I have plenty of chores to keep me busy this week, with more compost needing to be moved and other smaller jobs so that DH can spend his time setting the fence posts.  Physical labor is therapeutic, or maybe exhaustion keeps one from having a pity party! So after a not great week, I’m back to my regular self for now.

So Heart, please take note, your owner has too much life to live to waste time moping! 

I’ll leave you with some before and after shots of the garden makeover, confident  that my heart will see a similar improvement in the not too distant future!

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19 thoughts on “Transition Land–Healing a Heart

    1. Oh thanks Helen! Nothing so horrific…my boss informed me he wasn’t renewing my contract this year, so after 27 years in the 4-H office I am trying to decide what I want to do when I grow up. My situation is a huge transition, but not like what others face with health issues, losing a spouse, etc. All the same, I appreciate your encouragement.

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  1. Transitions are never easy… I know I go though that emotional up and down when a child leaves home for good. So hugs for you today!😀 Garden is looking better.

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  2. I think your reaction is so understandable–this transition was not your idea and came out of the blue. You were completely unprepared! I felt blue for awhile, at least at moments, when I retired–and that was something I chose and looked forward to! It’s very clear that your natural style is optimistic and resilient so give yourself your moments of regret–you’ll bounce back to that upbeat style (you already have!)

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    1. Kerry, thanks for your perspective, it really helps me to see that I am getting somewhere! And, that this is a temporary thing, if I just keep moving. The confirmation really lifts my spirits.

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  3. I know how you feel Kathy. I spent 15 years in a very stressful, life consuming position and was dropped at the curb like a bag of trash when the company was sold. I had started there at the very bottom rung and worked my way up to a management position in the most profitable department. I had been working 60+ hours a week and weekends. I was very angry and bitter at the company for a while, then I found I was more angry at myself for devoting so much time to a job (I refuse to call it a career now) that made no impact on the world other than to make someone else rich. I imagine that your situation stings even worse because 4-H is an amazing organization doing wonderful things. As crappy as the management may have been, you were contributing something meaningful to the world. Here is one thing that I have learned in life – it’s okay to have a good cry. I’m not the crying type either – but sometimes it is the most cleansing feeling to take a walk into a nice quiet place, sit down and cry your eyes out!! Sometimes when I’m feeling too stressed I watch a sad movie so that I can always blame the movie for my blubbering! 🙂

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    1. Tami, you are a dear, and thank you for sharing your story! I probably do need to give myself an opportunity to have a good cry, though I must admit, hard physical labor has been an excellent destress solution. A sad movie might be just the thing when I have a bout of the blues.

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  4. I think what you are coping with is a feeling of rejection. I do sympathise. I had a job I adored , which I believed in and which I knew helped lots of people. Then I got a new manager who cherry picked the nice bits of my job leaving me with the hard/ mundane bits, then dumped his hard bits and mundane bits on me, so in the end I couldn’t cope, was off work for three months for stress. I quit in disgust. Eventually after months of counselling I took on a part time receptionist job, my confidence and trust in fellow workers was regained. I took early retirement after 16 months because of family issues. It takes about two years to get used to retirement. I spent months of manic activity wanting to do everything now. happy to say I am now very chilled, doing some volunteering work in the library and getting out and about as you know. Just be gentle on yourself and maybe find someone you can talk too about your feelings.

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  5. I hope you are feeling better this week! I don’t know what it’s like to go through your situation exactly, but I do know what it’s like to go through changes and how unsettling they can be. I hope you find your new routine and work out what you want to do soon.

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    1. I think that once the weather settles down a bit being outside in the fresh air will definitely improve my outlook. And I probably need to get better at allowing myself a day to just have some fun too!

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